Disturbingly Normal !

Do not know where to begin except that I was feeling really low recently for a lot of reasons to be discussed here. I am not feeling great I was having intensified thoughts about really dark thoughts. It has been really more like a cycle to me. I do not feel like living, talking or doing anything. Everything done in my life is done due to the fact that its what should be done. Some would say just do what you want but the problem is I do not feel like I want anything absolutely nothing.

Every where I look I see something that could happen and then I would cease to exist. Even in the bathroom the picture of the tub and the dark red water filling it always comes to mind. Crossing the streets to the parking lot with the speeding cars that could come and leave and there would be a bloody body on the road, the thin razor while shaving, sitting in a locked running car in a closed space.

What would happen? Nothing.

I wonder if it is worth it? I do not know but the problem is that these thoughts have become normal in my head, disturbingly normal. I am dealing with them like anyone would deal with the need to go to the loo or have a smoke. Am I slipping? May be but again even if I am, Who the fuck Cares?