Sexual Favours

Was a fucked up weekend been wanting to go out for a while but was not in the mood for it believe it or not through out the previous weeks I was like Ouzie and Harriet from work to home unless there is a stash problem and hence my dealer would come in. But I was bored and needed to go out called a bunch of my hanging out friends and figured where they were going to meet and decided to drop by. 

It was a bar near by then I got dressed and headed there. I arrived like an hour and a half later from the time they said they are going to arrive. Said my hellos and sat there ordered my drink and sat there with half attention following the subjects on the table this side is talking about the bang one of them had recently and how he liked how the girl handled him while the other side was talking about scoring and how the 7ashish was not that good. 

I decided to sip on my drink and sat there focusing my attention on an invisible spot across the room. The music was some how a familiar tone and then I had this feeling that someone is checking me out I turned my head to see this girl checking me out. I looked at her and she did not look away, not the shy type I see. I got out my smokes pack and decided to smoke one she approached me with an unlit cigarette and leaned forward for me to light it for her which of course I did not disappoint she sat right next to me and introduced herself to be the friend of a friend of a girlfriend's friend so you got the picture.

I sat there following her non-stop talk and giving the right "Umms" and "Ahas" she was drinking like a fish that was like her fourth screw driver if I was not mistaken and she looked she was quiet wasted too. She looked at me and said that she knew I am the guy to talk to about pills and I quietly nodded I knew it would probably come down to this. I put my hand in my pocked and got out a small plastic bag with a collection of pills which she took eagerly as if you are offering candy to a four year old. 

In a while of course the girl was all over me obviously she wanted to settle the score the only way she could and paying was not one of them I played a long and all of a sudden after a while she stood up or at least tried and asked me if I lived near and I answered yes. She got her bag and told me to go there. I went along with the idea..

I woke up around 4 in the morning with her by my bed side and me having a hazy picture of our sexual encounter. I got up headed to the balcony in my boxers and T-shirt smoking my ciggi. I drifted back five years behind to be exact..

I remembered her presence, her face, her touch and everything about her. How I wanted to be better for her, how I wanted to be good enough for her. How she was the only thing I wanted more than drugs. How I was her first like she was mine. How we cuddled afterwards, how I wanted that night to last forever. 

How she looked when she was walking away for the last time, how sad it is to watch someone you love walk away knowing that she will never come back for no reason but cause you screwed up. How you are not meant for good things. How it is going to be you and drugs 50 years from now and you would be a wrinkly old man with nothing but booze and drugs in your life.

I looked back at the girl lying in bed sleeping and how she would probably not remember anything about tonight.

She woke up in the morning while I was still in bed she looked at me while getting dressed trying to remember my name which she did not not remember correctly anyway. She got out of the bed told me she would call me then remembered she did not have my number so she wrote her number on the mirror with a red lipstick and blew me a cheap kiss in the air. She left and as soon as I heard the door closed I got out of bed smeared the red lipstick all over the mirror stumbled back to bed closed my eyes and fell in a deep sleep.

The Real Deal

Okay yesterday found out that I am almost out of stash meaning that a trip to the wholesaler is at order although I totally dread that errand but it is something that can not be avoided if I wanted to keep in business. Anyhow I got into my car and headed towards the area I will not name that district but let's just say that it is an area that people avoid to go to around night time.

I parked in my usual spot and got out of the car and headed to the torn down building at the far end of the street, after a few steps two guys came out of the dark and cut me off. 

I could see that they are just kids but the expression on their faces and the shinny blades in their hands suggested that they are a lot of things but kids is not one of them. They asked me in a sharp tone what business do I have here and I quickly stated my dealer's name they looked at each other and quickly but thoroughly inspected me and then the taller one told me that he got arrested yesterday in an ambush on Cairo / Alex desert road. 

I felt disappointed what am I going to do now I thought to myself and the image of my daily fix came to mind and the agonizing feeling of craving started eating my inside. I looked at them and asked them if there is anyone I could talk to. The silently looked at me and one of them ushered me to follow him. We took some twisty dirty alley and entered a two story half torn down house into a shady poorly lit apartment. We entered and one of them disappeared into a room and the other just stood there as if his only purpose in life became to watch my every move. I did not mind I was into a lot of thing but actually playing smart with these guys was not one of them not if I wanted to have funeral sooner rather than later.

I found a young man coming out of the door followed by the kid who got me there. He looked no older than 21 and his face was marked by a tall scare that start from his eye brow to the left side of his jaw. He inspected me again and asked me what do I want. I answered quickly with my request that included a large amount of heroine and some 7ashish and morphine. He looked at me and said that this is quiet a lot and is going to be quiet costly. I shook my head and said that money is not a problem. He ushered to the kid again and he got inside and in a matter of minutes he came out with every thing I asked for. I started putting my hand in my pocket but that guy suddenly jumped me and took my hand out of my pocket I was frozen did not know what did I do wrong. The guy actually jammed his hand into my pocket and got out the money. He looked at the money and then at me and gave me the money back. 

I was surprised I thought that this was going to turn into a mugging which I would not have done anything about I am out numbered not to mention in their nightbourhood. He told me that in such cases sudden movement are not favorable specially in first deals. I apologized and quickly counted the amount he want and put it on the table. I gathered the stuff and looked at the guy while counting the money then he nodded as a sign that it is okay for me to leave. I got out of the house followed by the two kids and went straight to my car. I turned around to see where are they and thank them may be give them some petty cash but they were gone the same way they appeared suddenly.

I got into my car and drove straight to home as walking around with such a big quantity is not exactly a smart move. 

Now here I am sitting putting the doses into small baggies and getting ready to go to bed after having my fix. Feeling glad and lucky I got out of there alive. This is the real deal about drug dealers these guys could kill you and bury you where you stand they do not mind, even cops avoid going there cause they know they are going to be outnumbered, going there is like writing someone a cheque with your life and getting it back when you get out if you managed to get out again.

The Sudden Test

I was sitting in my office drinking my morning coffee when I found a knock on my door there entered one of my regulars / colleagues he looked so edgy with his sloppy clothes, his half shaved beard and his messed up hair. I got out his regular fix and handed it over to him, he paid and turned around to leave when I found him hesitant he seemed like he had something to say. He turned back at me and here is the conversation:

Him: Did you know that they are going to do a random / sudden drug test soon?

Me: Yes I heard about that..

Him: And what are you going to do?

Me: Well I got it covered.

Him: I do not know what to do, I am so busted if I take that test I am going to pop up positive for sure. Do you have any idea when is it going to be?

Me: No, I believe thats where the word sudden comes in.

Me: "I looked at him in silent waiting for him to say whatever he wants to say"

Him: Can you help me out?

Me: How can I do that?

Him: ya3nee you get me covered the same way you do to yourself.

I looked at him his stressed out face, his shaky hands, the circles around his eyes and how he has "I am doing something illegal" practically stamped on his forehead and knew that he can not do it the same way I do, it required cockiness and uncaring both qualities he does not have.

Me: I do not think you can handle it.

Him: Oh but I do not have any other choice If I got busted I am going to loose everything.

he collapsed on the chair and put his head between his hands and I felt bad for him he looked so disparate I slowly said

Me: Listen I can help you out, but you have to promise to get your act together or we are going to be in deep shit.

I knew what I was doing was a bad move but I felt that I have to help the guy but I was worried that if this was busted I am going to jeopardize myself and all my regular customers within the organization.

Him: "His face actually brightened" Yes, I promise you man anything you ask for.

I sighed for a second and started walking him through what will be done. He nodded and we agreed on everything.

Till now it has been three days and no test let's hope that they were just keeping anyone with something to hide on their toes, even if it was the real deal let's hope we pull it through or yours truly is going to be in real shit. 

How can A drug dealer be a softy?? beats the hell out of me!!!

The 411

I have been thinking about doing this for some time now and I finally took the decision, Let's blog so here we go. Let me introduce myself I am a bad person plain and simple I once was a good human being who cared and had a genuine interest towards the human condition but not anymore. Few years back I was caught in the grip of drug addiction and it did not let go of me up to this very moment.

I have seen some bad times and some good times, some ups and some lows was in bed for months and then gave up all together on the idea of quitting. Do not have the image of your average everyday junkie in your head on the contrary you would never guess I am on something even when I am flying with the pink dragons in the sky. I am a very together young man who the ladies might refer to or think about as a good prospect of a husband or a boyfriend. I dress well if not better than a lot of people, I speak properly and in a very presentable manner. My mother is British woman who is originally French so my features and physical appearance are acceptable if not appealing, I have the kind of face that is trustful although it is not true.

Anyhow however knows me well must know that I hate needing anyone or for anyone to have the upper hand over me and hence my habit situation put me in a not so favorable situation I found myself obliged into solving the problem and hence I found a new side gig which is becoming a dope dealer myself in order to have an infinite supply of drugs and it has been going since then. I do not know why I am saying all this but felt like giving whoever is reading the 411 about me. So in a nut shell this is it and this blog is sort of the journals that I never have. Let the talking begins.

Even angels Fall